I’m sitting here in my living room in Mission Hills reflecting over the past year. So much has come and gone, expanded and developed, flourished and deteriorated—but through it all I’m still here. Still sitting here. Stilling breathing. And grateful for another day. A lot has been happening in my world recently. Some, I’ll go into detail about, whereas others just briefly mention. First, a quick update. I got laid off from my job 3 weeks ago (and have been career hunting like crazy); I turned in my master’s thesis today and my new roommate moves in tomorrow.
So it’s official. I have completed all requirements for a Master of Arts degree in Experimental Psychology at California State University San Marcos. I don’t think there’s a word in the English language that quite describes the feelings I have.
Part of me feels accomplished. The beast that I couldn’t imagine ever finishing is done. The project I cried about, toiled over, laughed with, screamed at and delighted over is complete. The program—that encompassed thousands of journal articles, papers, lit reviews, presentations, stats, teaching, breakdowns, laughter and some of the best friendships I’ve been blessed to have—is culminated.
Another part of me feels wowed. Wowed that I—the girl who wasn’t supposed to make it, who wasn’t going to amount to anything, who was hopeless, useless and would fail—was able to complete such a task as graduate school. I did it. I’m the first in my entire family to obtain a college education—not to mention, an advanced degree. The girl who dared to make something of herself, swearing she wouldn’t be stuck in Modesto, limited and stunted in her growth. The girl who aimed high—for a better life. The girl who desires desperately to stay humble—who won’t forget her way home and where she came from… is me. I’m Sarah Michele Holmes. That’s me. Everything is still very surreal.
I have to admit that another part of me is apprehensive and anxious. Anxious about what this degree will do for me presently, career wise. I sometimes question the doors the M.A. will open for me. BUT I continue to place my hope, trust and faith in the Lord. Standing on His truth and promises keep me strong and able to move ahead as the world crumbles in the midst. I know the Lord has a specific opportunity where He will use me in mighty ways to reveal His glory and show His love… and His timing is perfect so I’m praying His guidance, purpose and peace rest upon me during this uncertain time of my life.
The last sentiment I’ll share is the feeling of utter gratitude for every single person who has been there for me along the way. For those who supported, encouraged and fought me to keep at it when I desperately wanted to quit. Those who listened to my grumbles, fears, hopes and ambitions; those who laughed and cried with me; those who held my hand, picked me up and said, yes, Sarah, you can do it. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to say I’ve completed a master’s degree because I wouldn’t even be here. I can’t stress enough how grateful I am for every hug, every high five, every uplifting word and for the incredible love of those who dared to believe in me. It means the world to me. YOU mean the world to me. I’m beginning to weep as I reflect on all the people who made this dream happen. My parents, Nick and Scott—my dear friends. You are my inspiration. I love you more than words can possibly begin to articulate.
I’m 27 in two days. 48 hours to be exact… at 11:07PM, December 6, 1981, I was brought out of my mother’s womb. Funny that as I wrote that last sentence I watched the clock turn from 11:06 to 11:07 PM. Hmmm. For some reason, 27 sounds significantly older than 26. Maybe because 27 is officially late twenties and 30 is just around the bend. Then I slightly delve into freak out mode because I’m not to the place I thought I’d be at 27. Growing up, I imagined being in a solid career, married with a child (or the notion of adopting one) at 27; yet here I am. Jobless. Single. And no one’s calling me mommy (thank GOD). So not exactly the plans I’d envisioned when I was a kid but does anything really work out the way we presume?? Not exactly. I do; however, serve an awesome God, have an amazingly wonderful, loving group of friends, family and church family; have health and a sound mind; an education; an apartment within my favorite city in a neighborhood I adore; and modern dance! Not too shabby. A fabulous career and lasting marriage relationship are in the works. For now I’m working at being content and filled by God’s spirit alone and being the best friend, sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter and ministry leader I can be. FYI: remind me to re-read this when I’m feeling discouraged in the realm of relationships. Lord knows I'll need to!
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