Unpredictable.

A courier came into the office just now and we had a little conversation about health (he's diabetic) that struck me. He said, "one day you're healthy and alive and another you're ill and dead". Then he went on to talk about how life is unpredicable and we never know what's coming next. The conversation totally made me look up to my Father in heaven with such gratitude for being the one consistency in life. His word and promises never change and He is, was, and will be. No matter how unpredictable and uncertain my life is right now, I can clutch my Fathers hand with all my might, and say, "I trust you daddy. You lead the way". I find such peace and comfort knowing that I'm not in control and the One who is does everything for the good of those who love Him.

From "no where" on sterroids.

So yeserday I blogged it up about things happening at the most random times and places. This happened to me again this morning but this time even more bizarre. You're gonna flip... just like I did (well... maybe).

First I should give you a little background. My mail/pool key (which I keep on a red lanyard) has been MIA for about 3 weeks. I think my cousins left it @ the pool while they were visiting. I've been searching for it... and even called them to find out where it could be. They swore they left it in my apartment.

Ok... so here's where it gets super wierd. I left my apartment this morning for work and decided to go a different way to the freeway. I stopped at a light (I'm the first car, nearest to the crosswalk) and two women walk across the crosswalk. They both look pretty ghetto... tweakerish. The one in particular was black, bald head and looked pregnant... and had a red lanyard, with my mail/pool keys attached, around her neck!!! I kid you not.... it's my lanyard w/ my keys. The pool key has a distinct look and I swear I saw it.

Well... if you know me, you know I freaked out. Got shortness of breath and thought, oh my God... someone has my mail key and is getting into my mailbox, taking all of my mail and will steal my identity. So I called my apartment complex, explained the situation and had them check my mail. All of my mail was there so it didn't appear that anyone was in my box. Whewwww! That was quite the load off!

Anyway.... my key is still missing, I'm going to look for it again, in my apartment, and hopefully it turns up. Of course I wont find it though if the lanyard around the stangers neck was mine. Bizarre.

God definitely used this situation to speak to me. He showed me that I have an issue with irrational fear... and aren't all fears irrational?? My favorite acronym for fear is "False Expections Appearing Real". The leader of my bible study shared a quote with us that reads, "One constantly finds that 90% of our trials and sorrows are made up of anticipated or imaginary evils which only exist in our disordered, unbelieving minds".

The Lord also showed me that I am waaaaay more blessed than I can begin to think or imagine. No matter what, I am to praise God always. He's protected me and shielded me from wickedness. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand".

I've been listening to the gospel song, "Make me over" and it's been my prayer these last few days. Here are part of the lyrics:

Time after time I failed you
Pierced your side when they already nailed you
Jesus heal my open wounds
I just want to be more like you
Father I let you down
what's not like you just take it out
Reconcile me Jesus, I just want to please you, wash me and make me whole

Lord make me over
Make me over again

Make me over again Lord
cause I'm tired of my evil ways
and I want to make a change
make me over Lord

I can feel the Lord making me over, molding my heart in line with His will and showing me His ways. It's not an easy process but so crucial. Could the Lord possibly be preparing my heart for a supernatural miracle to take place?? All I know is His word says, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" John 8:32. I thank the Lord for the freedom I've found in His truth... and for loving me... in spite of me.

From "no where".

Isn't it strange when something totally unexpected happens out of the blue?? Kinda like how the smell of jasmine takes me back to my childhood... suddenly these chains of thought and memories appear simply by one scent.

I had two things happen today like that. The first was really odd because it happened in the bathroom at the corporate center where I work. I walked in and I smelled the scent of the love of my life. It was a cologne-ish, deodorant, manly smell (wierd in a womens restroom, yea??) that totally brought memories of him and I whurling around me. It made me miss him more than I already do... sigh. Things like this happen all the time with him... I'll be somewhere and something will be said, sung, written, spoken.. (or smelled for heavens sake) that is so specifically related to him, it's scary. Somehow, someway it always comes back to him.

The second "from no where" experience today was the 5.4 magnitude earthquake up in the Chino Hills area! I was here at work when I felt the ground shake under my feet as if a huge truck were driving by. Then I felt the building roll and shake. It was the strangest sensation... I became slightly dizzy. It was over as quick as it came, lasting 10-15 seconds or so. This is my first experience feeling an earthquake of that magnitude that I can vividly remember.

I guess my experiences today show that surprises can happen in the least likely places and times. I'm ready and willing to do what it takes for supernatural surprises and miracles to happen in my life. It might not be as far off as I once presumed... hey, the blessing could be in my lap already... I just have yet to know it (that's another story, I'll share later).

An Onion.

The best word to describe myself at this current time in my life would be an onion. There are so many layers and depth to who I am... and the person I want to be. At the surface, my name is Sarah Michele. I'm finishing up my Master's in Experimental Psychology from Cal State San Marcos and there I wrote a thesis entitled, "Technology use: Employees stress and coping". It's been my baby for the last two years... we've been through a lot (tears, screams, nerves, hysterical laughter, excitement, along with a sense of accomplishment). Just gotta defend that baby and file it on the shelf of my life marked, "Graduate school, fun while it lasted, now, if only I can get a decent job after all the work poured into this effort".

Another layer in my onion is work. I work for an escrow company. It's temp. Looking for something more in line with my field. Down beneath those layers is my dream to one day own and operate a consulting firm with the mission of empowering employees and organizations alike. I wont get into detail on that... I guarantee I'll go on and on so I'll stop now :)

More about the surface level Sarah Michele... I often find myself answering, "good", or "fine" when asked by a stranger how I'm doing. That's the picture of what surface level Sarah looks like. She's fine and good... good at hiding what aches underneath the surface. There's so much more to me...

Just to give you a glimpse of what's to come (and essentially what this blog is all about) I'm on a quest of seeking the Lord and being in the center of His will in all aspects of my life (work, living arrangement, location, relationships, ministry, etc). I'm so many different people all @ once and together it equals "Me"... but we all are in a sense. I'm Sarah Michele...

• a woman who loves Jesus and is desperate for Him!
• a sister, daughter, granddaughter (called sis by my brothers and dad)
• a friend... dear to some, far from others but all special to me
• an auntie
• a dancer
• a Remnant ministry leader @ the Rock
• who wants to do what's right in God's eyes (not my own)
• a product of a tough upbringing but blessed because it's part of what makes me who I am!
• someone who wants to leave a positive mark on the world and strives to make a difference
• who's healing from a broken heart

.... And ohhh so much more. That's just a glimpse. I'm looking forward to this... new beginnings are here and it's time...